Holiday Horror?

This is the time of the year when the approach of the holiday season can begin to weigh on folks.  My birthday is at the end of October, and back when I was a young child, that was a LOOONG way from Christmas.  Now, the Christmas decorations are up before Halloween.

Are you feeling a little bah-humbug about it all?  Do you find the holiday season to be irritating, or disturbing?  Does all of the urging to make merry sort of curdle your porridge?  Well, you are human!   There are reasons that so many of us actually feel cranky and out of sorts at the end of the year.  And, I have a suggestion about how to turn it around.

Notice that it's getting darker earlier each day?  And mornings are gloomier, too.  Then, we leave daylight savings time, which will make the evenings darker even sooner.  Winter is approaching, and a primitive, yet powerful, part of our brain begins to worry about cold, enough food, and whether or not spring will in fact return.

As a coping mechanism, we have developed many rituals and celebrations for the year end, involving a lot of symbols that represent our hope that winter will transition into spring.  Ornaments on a green Christmas tree represent the hope of life (the evergreen tree) and abundance (the ornaments symbolize fruit).  We eat a lot, as an act of faith that more will follow.  We light up our homes, burn logs in the fireplace, and indulge in scented candles to recreate the sunlight that we hope will return.

This is not the season of natural cheerfulness and urges to make merry - we create these rituals to chase away the atavistic fears that come up at this time of the year.  This is especially true of northern European cultures, where the climate is more harsh in the winter.  (Cultures closer to the equator have New Year rituals as well, but there's a different emphasis.  Here's a link to an article about Venezuelan New Year customs, and others around the world.)

Therefore, if you are feeling not so cheerful during the holiday season, you are having a NORMAL reaction.  If you can alter your frame of reference, and understand that these rituals are meant to restore optimism in the face of the dark and the cold, then you can view this time of the year as an opportunity to create a little cheer for yourself in some creative way - 'tis the season to be jolly because you have chosen to be jolly.  Cold and dark begone!

You Should Never Walk Alone

A few blogs back, I expounded upon the virtues of having a guide (such as a ski instructor or a voice teacher) who will help you to acquire specific skills much more quickly and easily, rather than trying to learn them on your own. I do not even want to contemplate what would probably have happened if I had tried to teach myself how to ski…

I have also noticed another benefit of working with a guide – increased efficiency and actual financial savings can occur, often through unexpected channels. For example, I discovered that I could get a private ski lesson for the cost of a group lesson by signing up for an advanced class in the afternoon. I would often be the only student! Still got the expert guidance, but for half the cost. Yet, I don’t believe in being cheap, either. You can learn to be skillful in detecting value, and sometimes paying for the best gets you the best results.

The most striking example in my personal life is the results I’ve seen over the years that I worked with a personal shopper/style consultant. This is otherwise a big area of uncertainty and insecurity for me (drop me off all alone at Macy’s, and watch me go into shock), and if I didn’t have Denise’s help, one of my friends would surely have nominated me for “What Not to Wear” by now. Yes, I do have nice clothes but believe me, that’s not my doing. What’s important about this? It’s not the wardrobe per se, but the confidence that comes from knowing that I look put together and approachable. Appearance DOES count, not in the sense of coming across as an intimidating fashion slave, but in allowing your outer appearance to match and support your inner self. And for me, it has been immensely helpful to have an objective third party (Denise) reassure me that I have accomplished that!

I’ve finally noticed something that has been occurring over time with Denise; as we have gotten to know each other, our entire process of working together has become more efficient from a both a time and money standpoint. Now, I don’t mind paying for good clothes that will last for years (although it can feel rather challenging to spend the money all at once – we do two major shopping sessions each year and I do have to breathe deeply when we approach the cash register). Yet, over the years we have been discovering that we are more and more likely to find many if not most items on sale, and/or find what we want at less expensive stores. This last fall shopping session seems to have set a world record as far as finding great stuff on sale!

I see a pattern in all of this – the longer you work with your guide, the more efficient you are likely to become (in addition to acquiring the skills that you want). This will manifest in different ways depending on what you are doing. I can now get through a three hour rehearsal or a major concert without vocal fatigue. I can get down most intermediate ski hills without killing myself, and enjoy the ride. I have confidence about my appearance (well, most of the time) and have learned that the number on the cash register is OK – and has been going down over time - because we only do this twice a year, yet I’ll wear many of those clothes for years.

One might consider working with a financial planner in the same light. Many folks perhaps could object to the cost, at first, which is not trivial. But the value of having a guide will become apparent over time (steering you through a rough market or economy comes to mind, as avoiding short term emotional behavior is more important than “doing something”). The greatest value in any type of advisory relationship is not always what the advisor does for you, but often what they keep you from doing!